Akatsuki and the FUN song
by lilgal22
Summary: Tobi forgets the words to the FUN song, so he asks his fellow Akatsuki. Pandemonium enisues. WARNING: Akatsuki leader and blue's name revealed in this. Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, and others also. All akatsuki members. Rated T for Hidan's swearing.


Tobi can't remember the F-U-N song. You now what it is. The Spongebob one? Anyway, he asks the Akatsuki. Pandemonium ensues. Please forgive me for any OOC'ness. WARNING FOR HIDAN'S SWEARING!

* * *

It was a regular morning at the Akatsuki's lair. We all know in reality, they all travel their own separate ways, but for fanfiction's sake they have a lair. Tobi had just woken up, and was looking around his room for his mask. Suddenly, there was banging on the door.

"TOBI, GET OUT, UNLESS YOU WANT KISAME TO EAT ALL THE GOOD CEREAL! THEN YOU AND ME ARE GONNA HAVE TO EAT THE CHEAP BRAND KAKUZU BOUGHT, UN!" Tobi nearly tripped, Deidara had yelled so loud. Where was his mask? No one could see him like this! No one! Oh…his mask was on top of his head…He put it over his face a bit sheepishly. He grabbed his cloak of the crook of his chair, and put it on quickly, so it was a bit wrinkled, and ran out. Right into Deidara, of course, who was still banging on the door. "GET OFF ME TOBI! RUN, RUN, RUN! RUN…UN!" It was a known fact that if your partner wasn't with you, than you can't get breakfast. At least not from the Akatsuki lair. You would have to go out and buy it yourself. Considering the fact they are S-ranked criminals, odds were, it wouldn't end well. If you didn't have a partner, good for you. Zetsu got his own food for instance. No one was really into getting corpses and watching him eat them…it took the joy out of breakfast. He only went into the kitchen to get salt. No has figured out why…yet. Now as the story was going before our brief interlude, Tobi and Deidara had just bolted into the kitchen-just in time too. Kisame was about to finish the last of the cereal. Deidara tackled him, grabbed the cereal, and shoved them last of it all into his mouth. Itachi blinked over his coffee, and then calmly went back to it. This was starting to become ordinary.

"More waffles in the fridge. Pop them in the toaster," he muttered to Tobi, as Deidara's messy eating was spraying cereal everywhere, and was shoving cereal into his mouth at the speed of light, which is approximately 299 792 458 m/s-there's raw intelligence for you. He had waited 3 HOURS for Tobi to get out. 3 FRIKKIN' HOURS. He was STARVING. Tobi, oblivious to his senpai's glare, walked to the fridge and got the waffles. And like he did every morning, he started to sing…THAT song.

"F is for-"

"Please Tobi."

Itachi grimaced. Of all the songs in the world to sing, he had to sing the most happiest song every morning-the F-U-N song. He could throw up, if it wasn't considered a way of showing feelings. Though so was grimacing. He shrugged. Oh well. You just could never win. Tobi tried to sing again.

"F is for…for…fried chicken?" Kisame nearly choked on the cereal he had managed to get away from Deidara's prying grip. "No, no no…uh, F is for…frisky…freakish…jashin?" Hidan had just walked in, and nearly fell over at the last part.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" "I…I think I forgot the words to the song!" Tobi wailed. He turned to Hidan.

"Do you know?" Hidan had been ranting for the last minute about not taking Jashin's name in vain. He looked at Tobi for once speechless.

"Uh…I can try. Let's see… F is for…freakish shark people…U is for…Your wearing…Deidara's panties…N is anyone and everyone around us…that is going to go to hell…yeah." There was silence for a minute.

"You don't sing well, un" Said Deidara rubbing his forehead, a bit dazed.

"Let's see you do any better, bitch." Hidan muttered as he grabbed an apple from the still open fridge. Kakuzu walked in just as Deidara started.

"F is the fucking idiots that surround me, U is for U are the biggest idiot of them all, N is for anyone and everyone around us, that I'm going to blow up…un!" Deidara looked self satisfied until he noticed the odd stares he was getting. "What, un?" he asked, looking around himself confused. Kakuzu shook his head, and grabbed a packet of ramen from the shelf and heated it in the microwave. Tobi turned to Kisame, since everyone else didn't seem to know.

"Kisame, do you remember?" Kisame looked dumbstruck. "Er…F is for feta cheese that Sasori used to eat, U is for U know Kakuzu's not wearing a mask right now…N is for anyone and everyone around us…that also likes to eat feta cheese."

"Cheese…un?" Deidara snickered.

"Er…that's not it," said Tobi shakily. "Uh…Kakuzu?"

"Hell no," Kakuzu mumbled over his ramen. Kisame's song was true. For once, the greedy bastard wasn't wearing a mask. All his masks just so happened to be in the wash. He wanted to get through this day as fast as possible. Tobi thought to himself for a second.

"…I'll give you money!" said Tobi cheerfully.

"How much? One yen?" Kakuzu said smirking. Tobi whipped out a money case from his cloak and snapped it open. It was stuffed to the brim with cold, hard cash. Kakuzu's eyes widened.

"Will this do?" Tobi asked questioningly.

"Hell yeah!" He quickly snatched the case. "By the way, where did you get all this money?"

"You…don't want to know," Muttered Tobi sheepishly. Disturbing thoughts entered everyone's mind of where Tobi could have gotten the money. "…Well?" Tobi asked.

"Oh yeah," Said Kakuzu, not happy with his choice now. "Erm…F is for fucking Hidan, U is for U have mental problems, N is for neither you nor me, has ever seen Zetsu eat ramen…yeah…" Silence.

"What did you mean by fucking Hidan?" Asked Tobi thoughtfully.

"What?" asked Kakuzu trying unsuccessfully to pretend like nothing had happened.

"Well, you could mean fucking Hidan, as in Hidan's a fucking idiot, or fucking Hidan, as in sex with Hidan."

"Say what?"

"He's got a point you know," said Hidan with mixed revulsion, and curiosity.

"How would you know?" snapped Kakuzu.

"What, think I yell this shit without knowing what the hell I'm saying for what fucking reason? I'm smarter than THAT you know. I researched."

"You researched…cuss words." Said Kakuzu, giving Hidan a strange look.

"Heeeey, Kakuzu, so what DID you mean by that un?" asked Deidara slyly.

"Tobi, how in the name of god did you now about these things?" Kakuzu asked, ignoring Diedara's question.

"I watched this video on youtube about the meaning of Fuck!" Tobi said proudly. There was once again an awkward silence.

"Soooooo…what DID you mean by that Kakuzu?" Kisame asked, breaking the silence.

"…Tobi got one of them right."

"Which one, un!" Asked Deidara impatiently. Zetsu then walked in.

"ZETSU, WHAT ARE THE WORDS TO THE F-U-N SONG?" Yelled Kakuzu, trying to move the focus from him. Both answers would result in Hidan bitching more than usual nonstop. In reality, he had no clue.

"…What?" asked both half's of Zetsu.

"ANSWER, MOTHERFUCKER!" Zetsu looked shocked at Kakuzu's outburst. So was everyone else. "ANSWER, OR FURRY THINGS WILL DIE!"

"Um…ok…F is friends who hate each other, U is baloney, N is for…screw this." Zetsu walked out.

"BALONEY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LETTER U!" Kakuzu yelled at his retreating back. Pein then walked in.

"So…Kakuzu…" "LEADER-SAMA! SING THE F-U-N SONG NOW!" Pein quickly walked out. He was staying in his office for the rest of the day. Best to stay out of things.

"Sir Leader..." Konan walked in.

"SING THE F-U-N SONG, OR DIE!" Konan stared at him as if he'd gone crazy for a second. Which he probably did.

"Hell no."

"TELL US, UN!" Deidara yelled loudly.

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THAT FRICKIN' UN THING?" Yelled Kakuzu.

"Tell us, un! Teeeeeeelll uuuuusssssss…"

"NEITHER! YA HAPPY?" There was dead silence for a minute. Hidan broke promptly broke it.

"…You fucking motherfucking fuckers are so fucking fucked up in your fucking motherfucking heads, so fuck you all, you fucking shit-headed bitches."

"Hidan, get some therapy." Sighed Kisame. "You swear too much."

"Bitch, I can fucking swear as much as I so well damn please."

"…Un." Whispered Deidara mystified. Itachi got up, and all eyes in the room turned to him. Blatantly, he started to say the words tunelessly.

"F is for fire burning the whole town, U is for uranium bombs, N is for no survivors-"

"That's enough Itachi," Konan said, giving him a look. "Those things aren't what fun is all about. "F is for friends who do stuff togeth-"

"Never. That's completely idiotic." Itachi cut in monotonly.

"Here, let me help you," Said Kisame, trying to help things out. "F is for friends who do stuff together…"

"U is for you and me-Start singing or die." Konan sang.

"N is for…" Tobi was trying to think.

"ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME AT ALL, HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA…UN!" Deidara roared.

"Wait…I don't understand…I fell all tingly inside…oh dear god. Let's stop." Grimaced Itachi, once again.

"No! That's how you're supposed to feel!" yelled Tobi.

"YEAH, UN!" yelled Deidara, followed by cheers from the rest of the akatsuki congregated in the kitchen.

"F IS FROLIC THROUGH ALL THE FLOWERS, U IS FOR UKELELE! N IS FOR NOSE PICKING, CHEWING GUM AND SAND LICKING, HERE WITH MY BEST BUDDY!"

"Here In the deep blue sea!" ended Konan. By that time Itachi was debating whether or not to stab himself with his kunai. He was more than shaken by this outburst of…cheerfulness coming out psychotic killing S-ranked nin. It was plain wrong. This is what you would expect a Konoho nin to do. Not Akatsuki.

"HEY GUESS WHAT?" yelled Hidan. "I'M GOING TO TAKE A VOW OF SILENCE!" Itachi promptly picked up the kunai and stabbed himself. The whole Akatsuki snickered.

"Nice touch with vow of silence part Hidan, though you seriously should take one." Said Kakuzu as he picked up Itachi, and threw him unceremoniacly to Kisame.

"…Fuck you." Ten bucks you can't guess who that was.

TEN MINUTES LATER.

Itachi woke up and groaned. He looked slowly around him. The whole Akatsuki was sitting around him smiling. "SYCH!" "Wha…?" "My dear friend, do you think we would really do that on purpose? THAT TOBI WOULD ACTUALLY FORGET THAT STUPID SONG?" "Huh?" muttered Itachi.

"You my friend have been Punk'd." Hidan said, smirking. And that's when the whole Akatsuki erupted in laughter.

* * *

Pein was in his office when he heard…laughter. "Mutiny," he muttered. He was holed up in his office for the rest of the week.

And that's that. Please review, though you probably won't. I don't own anything. Except for this idea. Otherwise, why the hell would I put it on a fanfiction website? Thank you, and good day.


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